While I'm Waiting...

Can I just say how good God is. He always shows up when I need him most. Thankfully today he was watching & listening to my heart when I was feeling so lost. We serve such a faithful God, and for that I am grateful. ... Recently I lost my job due to budget cuts. It felt like a knife through the heart even though I know it is happening to many people around the country right now. I am trying not to take it so personally, but it is difficult not to when teaching is all I have done since the moment I stepped out of college. Truly, it is all I know and losing a job makes you question whether you are good at that job or not. My principal has tried to assure me that I am a great teacher. Some days are better than others, but some days I don't see how "great" teachers can be let go. Today just happened to be one of those days. I spent the morning packing up my classroom with my students and they have so many questions for me. They don't understand why I can't come back and teach in my classroom next year. They are devastated and their devastation combined with the devastation of their parents does me in everyday. I know next Thursday when I have to say goodbye to them will be extremely difficult for me and for them as well. ... That brings me to today and how faithful God is. I got in my car after school and just couldn't help but cry. (I know my hormones are running a muck in my body and that isn't helping the situation, but it is what it is.) I kept asking God why this had to happen and what my next step is going to be. I feel sad, confused, even angry at times. When I got home I turned on my computer and went to my blog page. As the page opened so did a song called, "While I'm Waiting" by John Walker. Thank you Lord for the perfect song to speak to my heart when I needed it most. I can't explain it without the lyrics so here they are...

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience ...
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race, even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait

Yes, I will wait...
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

If you scroll to the bottom of my blog page you can click on the song and listen to it. It is so powerful and such a reminder of God's faithfulness to us. We all have seasons and chapters in our lives. At some point, seasons and chapters come to a close and while we wait for the next thing all we can do is rely on God. He never said it would be easy, but he did say he would always be there for us. It does bring peace to my mind to know that God already knows the next step. He is just preparing my heart. He knows if I am going to step into another teaching position somewhere else; He knows if I am going to just take time and enjoy becoming a mother in December. God knows! The waiting process is a difficult one, but this song is a reminder for me to serve the Lord and worship him while I wait.

I am a true believer that all things happen for a reason. We may not know the reason at the time, but hopefully God will reveal it to us later on down the road. God's timing is incredible. He allowed me to find out I was pregnant one week before finding out that I lost my job. Yes, I went from feelings of joy to sorrow, but God had a plan. He knew I needed to know my dream of becoming a mom was coming true before my time of being a teacher was taken from me. And truly, I don't know if my time of teaching is over ... I just know there is another step coming somewhere along the path and I am watchful until God shows me. Will I have more days of doubt? I am sure. But, will I continue to trust and rely on God? It's all I can do.

Thank you God for your unconditional love and guidance. I will serve you while I'm waiting.